My Journal * I don't know of a better way to explain experiencing radiation treatments than to say, with a bit of imagination, it's like being an "Alien" from Outer Space! First of all, I am receiving my radiation alone in a cold and strange room. (I believe I have used the word "alone" quite a bit.) Well, I take that back. I have "Cathee", (remember she is my catheter) . Again my treatment is called MammoSite Radiation Therapy, different from the traditional radiation. As I lie on my back, sitting next to me is who I call "The Radiator". I will describe him as a "headless" robot. He is a serious looking long box that sits to the floor on wheels. As much as "Cathee" is annoying, "The Radiator" seems to be a little perturbing. (They make a good pair.) SO, as I lie on the table, the "Human" Technician performs x-rays, measures, and then "connects" me, the "Alien", to "The Radiator" for the "big event". I am measured by wire that goes through tubing that will attach to him and me, with the help of "Cathee". When I am ready, a "Human" Physicist comes in to reinsure everything checks out properly. Next comes my "Human" Radiology Doctor for a final check. When he, the last "Earthly Human" exits the room, the very large steel door that is close to a foot deep, slowly shuts, as it makes a loud noise as if I am ready to "blast" off . I, the "Alien" from Outer Space, am in this eerie room joined by "Cathee" and "The Radiator" who are "Aliens" in their own right. No "Earthly Being" would "dare" be in this "orbital" room! . It is not permitted. It's could be dangerous...YES...so I think, "What the heck am I doing in here?" Oh...I remind myself, again....I am the "Alien"! UGH! (And does "IT" really work? Does it do me any good? Or will it only harm me?). As my head files through many emotions, I hear what is "the dummy" wire coming from the radiator, through "Cathee", and into my "Alien" breast. It doesn't hurt, but I do feel it. The dummy wire is to insure there are no "obstructions". It is then released and the actual wire that draws the radiation from "The Radiator" to my breast is felt. I hear a prominent clicking noise. This is "The Radiator" loudly counting my radiation time. The room itself is not quiet. There is a whirring noise going on all the time, fit for "Aliens" such as me. As I said, the treatment does not hurt, but gives me an odd emotional "alien" feeling. Just to the outside of this room are the "Earthly Humans"; my Doctor, the Physicist, and the Technician. The Technician has four monitors including a sound monitor overlooking the "Alien". The Doctor and Physicist are viewing "Cathee"/the balloon of the catheter in my breast on computer monitors. I am being watched very closely just as you would watch any "Alien" if you saw one. My own actual "alien" radiation time lasts for just over 6 minutes. I humor myself by thinking "Cathee" and "the Radiator" have "something going on" during this time, and I exist as only the "third party" "Alien". I want no details and I refuse to use any imagination here! Ha! After the 6 minutes, the clicking stops, the wire goes back into "The Radiator", and the big heavy door slowly and "spookily" opens with more loud vibration. The "Earthly Humans" are not afraid of me anymore. The "Human Technician" unhooks me from "The Radiator". Thank goodness. The "Human" Nurse comes in to "redress" and pad my catheter area. And I, the "Alien", am free to go until the next round. Yes, feeling like an "Alien" is not a good thing, but really it's not such a bad thing either. I have learned through this experience that "Earthly Humans" treat "Aliens" like me, quite well. And may I add, that is good thing.