* My Journal * Mom recently exceeded the seven year mark of living in the Alzheimer's unit in the nursing home. She would SO not approve of posting pictures like these. I can almost hear her disapproving voice of her sly daughter’s public actions. (But...I think to myself, "she'll never know".) If I were her, I would be most perturbed at me as well. Heh. So it goes.
Mom has been ill...it's seems like "forever". Sometimes I feel like I can barely remember her as the mom I once knew...but, I will never forget the mom she has been to me....and the thoughtful giving person she has been to many. Now and then I see tiny snippets of who she was, even to this day.
I continue to think about Mom's biggest fear of living long with her mind completely gone. She told me many times of this fear. It has somewhat haunted me...but then again, she will never know of this truth either. Earlier in the year, my friend Beth told me I should talk to the director and social worker in the Alzheimer's unit about this dreadful fear that has become true. I did. Thank you Beth. Obviously we have been at a stage for quite some time of painfully wanting to see her "let go". From our emotional discussion, we made some changes towards Mom’s care to help her "speed" up her travel on the road to "going home". Since then she has lost at least 10 pounds. Her hands are like holding skeleton bones and nothing more. She still seems to respond to touch. I will miss that some day.
This latest chapter of mom is harder than I thought. I have seen her in such a pathetic state for SO long. I didn't think this part would affect me so much. It has. I do know we are getting closer to the end of the road. Sad....but it truly is a good thing. Someday, Mom will make it home, and
Mom will have her peace. Blessings to her. Blessings to all. It’s a good thing.