My Journal * This is my mom. I don't call her Mom anymore when I am with her. I call her JoAnn. She doesn't respond to the name "Mom", but she occasionally seems to be a bit more familiar with her real name, JoAnn. She doesn't know who I am....she hasn't known who I am for many years. JoAnn lives in the Alzheimer's unit at John Knox Village Care Center, not far from my home. Since the diagnosis of my cancer, I wish I could talk to my mother the way I used to be able to talk to her. I wish she could hold my hand and rub my arm the way she used to. I miss her. She was a great listener and she was always there for me when I needed her. I also realize, JoAnn is much better off not having to worry about me, her daughter. That is the "good side" of being an Alzheimer's patient. She is in her own far away "world" that I nor anyone else could ever figure what that confused and hallucinating world could ever be. So this is OK. I wouldn't want to complicate her world anymore than it is. And I have Roger who has been by my side for so many years, and is by my side through our new challenge. I am so glad to have him with me. He comforts and calms my soul as much as my stubborn self allows....and it's a good thing.
It must be hard to miss someone who isn't gone really, but you're right - it's nice that she doesnt have to worry about so many things!
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